Forgiveness Isn't Far
by DKM
Summary: I'll to whatever it takes, to turn this around. I know what's at stake. I know that I've let you down. And if you give me a chance, believe that I can change, I'll keep us together, whatever it takes. But is it enough for her? DL


Whatever It Takes

_**Forgiveness Isn't Far**_

By: DKM

Rating: K

Pairing: Danny/Lindsay

Category: Song fic; Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Spoilers: Post RND (need I say more?)

Synopsis: Think of men as big, bumbling apes that don't know any better… Sometimes, they make decisions without thinking them through… The key is forgiveness… Can she ever forgive him?

A/N: Okay, so I thought Paris was gone, but I guess I was wrong. She came back with this little offering, because, frankly, she wasn't going to let me off the hook until I wrote it. Also, special thanks to all my betas, Liffy, Erin, and Shelby. You guys are awesome!

Disclaimer: Danny Messer, Lindsay Monroe, and subsequent characters from CSI: NY belong to CBS. "Whatever It Takes" property of Lifehouse. I'm just using them to please my muses for the time being. And for those of you fluff junkies, this isn't all that fluffy, so please, don't start throwing the flaming cotton candy at me. I don't appreciate. Besides, it pisses off the muses, making them more prone to writing angsty stories. You have been warned!

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"Come on, Lindsay. It's just one night out!" Stella Bonasera was saying as she and Lindsay Monroe walked down the hall towards the locker room. "When was the last time you even went out with us?"

Lindsay wasn't easily persuaded, though, and continued to protest, "I'm just not up for it tonight. I've got a lot of laundry to do, and I still have dishes to wash in the sink…"

Stella rolled her eyes, cutting her off by saying, "Enough excuses! You're coming whether you like it or not. Besides, when was the last time you let loose for a night?" Lindsay gazed at her ruefully. "That look tells me everything. Now, let's go change into something a little more appropriate, and let's go!" Stella grabbed her hand as she pushed open the locker room door practically dragging her across the floor. Lindsay continued to shake her head in defiance, but it was no use. Her friend wasn't going to take no for an answer tonight.

Finally giving up the struggle with an exasperated sigh, Lindsay accepted the invitation to join Stella, Don Flack, Sheldon Hawkes, and Adam Ross at Cozy's for a night of cold drinks and friendly banter. At least Danny wasn't going to be there. Danny… Now there was a bittersweet thought; pain and pleasure all rolled into one. The only man she'd ever allowed herself to fall in love with, and the only man that had ever really broken her heart; that was Danny Messer. She closed her eyes for a moment to get her bearings before going to her locker to find something a little more fitting to wear on a night out with friends.

But Lindsay's thoughts immediately returned to Danny when she saw a photo of the two of them hanging in her locker. Her mind rushed to several weeks ago when he'd come to her apartment wanting to talk about his recent behavior, among other things. She didn't realize that "other things" meant sleeping around with his neighbor, Rikki Sandoval. The moment those words had left his lips, her heart dropped to the hardwood floor of her apartment and shattered into a million tiny pieces. She'd stood there, her eyes trying to focus and her mind running a mile a minute as he tried to explain away his reasons for doing it.

"We were just trying to make each other feel better…"

"I felt guilty…"

"I felt responsible for what happened to Ruben…"

But all Lindsay heard was "I slept with Rikki…" over and over again, like a haunting mantra that just wouldn't leave the front of her brain. She'd bitten back the tears, refusing to let him see her cry. Danny sensed it, though, and even tried to get her to say something, but she'd shook her head.

"Please, Lindsay," he'd begged, his sapphire eyes shining with his own unshed tears, "Say something… Anything…"

Sucking in a deep, shaky breath, she finally spoke in almost a whisper, "Please, just leave." And with that, she'd opened the door and watched him walk out without so much as a goodbye. Ever since then, Danny had probably called her several times, wanting to talk some more, wanting to set things right, but she'd denied him, having instead taken the path of least resistance: avoidance. Lindsay switched shifts whenever she could just so they won't have to see each other, just so the pain would subside and she could get over him. But that wasn't happening. The mere mention of his name would send her into the very depths of her soul, searching for an answer she couldn't find. Why couldn't she just let him go?

Lindsay knew why. Deep in her heart, she loved him. She loved him like Juliet loved Romeo, to the point where she'd die for him in a heartbeat if it meant he'd live to see another day. The images of their love before the tragedy of Ruben's death now overshadowed everything else in her life. Her heart ached to be back in that place where they used to be, that place where their hearts and souls were free and innocent. Now, though, she had to settle for the rubble amongst the ruins.

No one knew that they were having trouble, although it wouldn't take a genius to figure it out. They probably had, but refused to say anything until she felt the need to reach out. But Lindsay had always been fiercely independent, refusing to allow herself to lean on anyone unless she had to. That had been Danny's role, and now he was gone, leaving her to stand on her own two feet and take stock of the situation, a slow process by all means.

In the aftermath of his decision to pull away and be with another in his time of need, Lindsay was finding that even the simplest of things were hard to do, especially in his presence. She'd tense up when he walked into the same room, then try to act cool and collected, even make friendly banter, but it just wasn't the same. She remained guarded and closed off to him, something Danny had obviously sensed. He was slowly starting to withdraw from her as well, putting as much distance between the two of them as he possibly could. Even something as small as a piece of tape was enough to keep them in separate areas all their own, something Lindsay was finding much harder to deal with.

"Hey, what's taking so long? The guys are waiting!" Stella quickly broke her concentration with the slam of her locker door. Lindsay jumped slightly at the sound, but quickly grabbed one of the spare shirts she kept in case of emergency. It was a cute little number made of soft, purple silk with three-quarter length sleeves and an open collar leaving her neck and a good portion of her chest exposed. She'd felt somewhat naked in it when she first tried it on, but looking back at how wonderful it fit her curves, she knew it had been a great buy.

"Very nice," Stella commented when Lindsay had finally put it on, giving her the once over with approval. It matched perfectly with her fitted black slacks and three inch high peep-toed black leather pumps.

"You don't look half bad yourself," Lindsay shot back with a smile as she examined her friend's choice of wardrobe. Stella had decided on a gorgeous little sleeveless black dress that went just above her knees with a plunging neckline giving her the appearance of a runway model with her long lean legs and perfectly curled hair. Her three inch black stilettos pulled the outfit together, the rhinestone buckle matching the diamond necklace she wore around her neck.

Stella smiled back at her and the girls grabbed their purses before exiting the locker room. They headed downstairs to the parking lot where the guys were already standing around waiting and talking amongst themselves. The clicking of Stella's heels against the cement alerted them of their presence and they all quickly turned to look in their direction.

"Hello, ladies!" Flack nearly whistled, his bright baby blue eyes giving them both a once over before adding, "Now, why can't you two dress like this on a daily basis?"

Stella gave him one of her million dollar smiles before she replied in her most serious tone, "The same reason you guys can't leave the toilet seat down." It got a laugh out of everyone, including Lindsay, who'd turned red from Flack's comment. Compliments had always been hard to receive, especially now with Danny out of the picture. He'd always doled them out, calling her sexy, gorgeous, and beautiful whenever he had the chance. The flush continued to spread until it almost enveloped her neck and shoulders, but the cool night air managed to somehow keep it from showing.

"Come on, let's go. Mac's supposed to be on stage in fifteen minutes. We'd better get a move on if we want to get good seats," Stella shooed them in the direction of their parked cars. She and Lindsay would ride together while the guys would take one of the department issued SUVs. It was a short respite from the ogling they'd more than likely encounter at the small jazz club. Mac made a point of playing guitar there at least once a week, every Wednesday, as Lindsay had figured out long ago.

Again, a pang of guilt and remorse flowed through her veins as she thought about that first time she'd ever gone there. She'd invited Danny as well, to prove that she knew Mac better than he did, even though they'd been working together much longer. Seeing the surprise and delight in his sapphire eyes had made all the difference. From that moment on, their relationship blossomed into more than just the simple snide comment and rude nickname. After that night, they'd become best friends and constant companions.

Going back to Cozy's was a soul cleanser of sorts. It was a hurdle to be crossed, from happiness to pain and back to happiness. That's what Lindsay felt in her heart; that somehow going there would release her demons and she'd be able to move on with her life, be able to forgive Danny for the way he'd wronged her, and maybe even allow him to become her friend again. That was a long way off, she knew, but it never hurt to try. If it didn't pan out, then maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she'd have to live with that, no matter how hard or how awful it would feel.

Lindsay sighed as she looked out the window at the passing storefronts and apartment buildings as Stella drove them closer to their destination. "What's on your mind, Kiddo?" Lindsay was knocked out of her musings yet again, and this time, she didn't have a cover for it.

"Nothing… I'm… I'm just tired," she finally said without turning in the direction of her friend. Lindsay knew Stella could read her like a book, and right now, that was the last thing she needed. It wasn't hard to see the inner turmoil boiling beneath the surface of the carefully constructed façade she'd built to hide her pain.

"First it was laundry and dishes, and now you're tired? What's going on, Lindsay? Is everything okay?" Stella softly prodded. As much as Lindsay wanted to put on a good front for her, she just couldn't do it. Her pale brown eyes said it all when she turned to face Stella. She was in pain, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. "You wanna talk about it?"

Lindsay remained silent for several long moments, thinking it over as she fussed with an errant strand of purple yarn that had come undone on the bottom hem of her shirt. She pulled it and twirled it around her finger until she finally gave it a strong tug and it broke. That's when she finally spoke. "Danny and I… broke up." She looked up and there were tears in her eyes.

Stella reached over and put a hand over the younger woman's shoulder, gently rubbing as she said, "I'm so sorry, Lindsay."

"I guess it's my fault for giving him so much space, ya know?" she replied, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand only to smear her eye liner. But Lindsay didn't care. Now that she'd finally said it, she couldn't stop herself. "I should have pushed him a little more to talk to me about it. I should have tried to be there for him like he was there for me. I should have never given up. I should have never fallen for him in the first place…" That's when she finally burst into tears, her head falling into her hands as her shoulders shook with the intensity of her sobs.

Stella immediately pulled over and wrapped her arms around her friend. It had been over a year since she'd seen Lindsay fall apart like this. The last time was just before Christmas while they had been discussing a case in the morgue and she'd seen the bodies of two dead teenagers on the tables. Stella hadn't known it then, but Lindsay had been a victim of a horrible crime back in her home state of Montana, witnessing her best friends' murders from behind a bathroom door. She'd fallen apart then, just as she was falling apart now.

"Its okay, Lindsay," Stella said in a soft, soothing voice. "Everybody makes mistakes, and everybody hurts. You can't take responsibility for other people's actions. Whatever Danny did wasn't because you gave him too much space or because you weren't there for him. He made a choice that ended up hurting you." She pulled away and gently lifted Lindsay's head up so their eyes met. "You want a little advice? Think of men as big, bumbling apes that don't know any better. They're guided by two things; their stomachs and something a little lower." That got a choked laugh out of Lindsay. Stella smiled and continued, "Sometimes, they make decisions without thinking them through, and they end up hurting the people they love, especially us women. But the key is forgiveness. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's as simple as that. You need to forgive yourself first, and then forgive Danny. How and when is up to you, but believe me, forgiveness may be what saves your heart the next time around."

Grabbing a tissue from her purse, Stella wiped the black lines away from Lindsay's cheeks before handing her a mirror and her pencil liner. As she put the car back into drive and pulled back into traffic, she got an unexpected surprise from the woman sitting beside her. "Thank you, Stella. That means a lot coming from you," Lindsay said as she gave her a little hug before returning to her own seat and reapplying her makeup.

Within minutes, they were pulling into a parking garage across the street from Cozy's. The guys had arrived much earlier than they had and were waiting outside. "What took you so long?" Flack asked as he slid beside Stella and snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his side.

"Girl talk," she answered, giving him a sweet smile before returning his affections.

He cocked an eyebrow at her and replied, "I'll never understand you women and your secret code. Gimmie a hardened criminal any day and I can crack him, but you… I'd probably regret it." They walked into the club, arms around each other, oblivious to the rest of their coworkers that followed closely behind.

"Damn right," Stella chuckled before sliding into an open booth close to stage left. Flack followed suit while Lindsay slid in on the other side flanked by Adam and Hawkes.

The band was still setting up for their gig, allowing a waitress to take their drink order before the show started: beers for the guys and two Cosmos for the ladies. Once she'd written everything down and scurried towards the bar, they were left to quietly chit chat with each other about this and that until their current case load came up as a subject.

"Hey, I thought we agreed that tonight we wouldn't discuss work for once," Stella interjected, holding up her hands as if to signal them to stop talking. After being cooped up in the lab all day, the last thing she wanted to think about was work. "Is there anything else we can talk about instead? Like what are your plans for the weekend? Who won American Idol? Has anyone seen a good movie lately? Has Britney Spears done anything stupid recently? That kind of stuff. That's conversation."

"Who knew Stella was such a tabloid junkie," Flack mused, granting him a playful punch in the arm from his other half.

"I did," Adam piped in, keeping his eyes on his drink out of fear that Stella would probably kill him the moment they walked out of the place.

But she merely laughed and replied, "Oh, really, Adam? And how did you figure that out?"

"He probably saw you surfing TMZ the other day," Hawkes spoke up, giving her a mischievous grin.

"I was?!" she sounded almost shocked.

"I only saw it because I noticed Britney Spears on the screen," Adam nervously replied. "She got into another fender bender the other day."

"How did you know that?" Hawkes quipped.

"Probably because while you were watching America's Next Top Model on MTV in the lounge, there was a little news segment about it during the commercial break," Stella retorted with a snort.

"Sheldon! America's Next Top Model?" Flack nearly spit out his beer. "I never woulda pegged you for watching that kinda crap."

"What? Tyra Banks is HOT!" Hawkes replied. "Hey, I never would have pegged you as a Jessica Simpson fan until I saw you reading about her break up with Tony Romo yesterday when I stopped by to give you those results."

Flack shot him a cold glance before answering, "It was on ! And I was only reading about it because it was the most interesting thing on the page. Come on, everyone knows the fans thought Jessica cursed him for being at the games. Why else would the Cowboys have sucked so bad last year?"

"Maybe because statistically speaking, they weren't the strongest team," Adam put his two cents in, making all heads turn in his direction.

"Wait, you follow football?" Flack sounded surprised, and the furrowed brows corroborated the feeling. "You're a lab rat… I thought lab rats were into computer games and the internet and instant messaging."

"We are, but a lot of us follow the real world just like you do," Adam shot back.

"This, coming from a guy who, just the other day, was searching Google for 'ways to spice up your sex life,'" Stella added with a laugh. "I guess you excel at some things while lacking in others."

"That was uncalled for," Adam seriously retorted. "And don't think for one second me and Kendall are having problems in that department. We just… like to try new things." More shocked expressions came from his coworkers at the mention of his relationship with the lovely young lab assistant that had been hired only eight months earlier, upon his recommendation. Adam ducked his head back down towards his drink and took a sip from the nearly full beer glass. A flush slowly colored his cheeks as he tried to hide his embarrassment.

"Aw, Adam's turning pink!" Flack teased, immediately putting the rest of the table in stitches as the young lab tech turned an even deeper shade of red.

All except for Lindsay; she, too, had kept her head down and her drink up once the mud slinging began, knowing if she even said one word, they'd probably be all over her case about Danny. It had been hard enough telling Stella in the car earlier. She didn't know if she could face the rest of the firing squad. Instead, she decided on avoiding it altogether, nearly whispering, "Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies room." Hawkes and Adam scooted out of the booth and let her pass.

"Hey, don't think for one second you're going to make it out of this conversation unscathed," Flack called after her before he felt Stella jab him in the ribs. "Ow, what was that for?" he griped, giving her a weary eye.

"Leave her alone," Stella's tone was one of warning. "It's bad enough we forced her to come with us tonight. The last thing she needs is for us to jump all over her about things she's not ready to discuss."

"You're talking about Messer, aren't you?" Flack asked. Stella simply nodded. He knew what that meant. He'd seen first hand how strangely Danny had been acting the last several weeks and had an inkling as to what was going on, but he hadn't pressed the issue with either of them. There was trouble in paradise, so bringing up relationships hadn't been the best topic of conversation that night. "Alright, I won't bring it up."

"Promise me," Stella demanded. She had turned completely towards him to make sure that he would give her his word.

"I promise," Flack said solemnly, crossing his hand over his heart. In return, he got a subtle kiss on the cheek before Stella turned back to the rest of the table.

Lindsay slowly made her way towards the bathroom, the crowded club making it difficult to maneuver through all the bodies without accidentally stepping on someone's foot. But she'd managed, and now that she was in a less crowded and quieter place, she could take several deep breaths to try to calm herself down. She hadn't expected to feel this way about someone else's happy relationship, but there she was, nearly having a panic attack at the mere mention of sex. Tears began to well in her eyes, but Lindsay forced them back as she entered the ladies room on her right. Looking in the mirror, she could see that there were still traces of her eye liner streaking her face, and made a last ditch effort to get rid of them before anyone noticed she'd been gone for a little too long.

After reapplying foundation and powder, she rested her hands on the edges of the counter and leaned forward, taking a good look in the mirror. _…The key is forgiveness… You need to forgive yourself first, and then forgive Danny._ Stella's words echoed in her head as she gazed at her reflection. Dark circles peeked out from under her cover up. She'd spent too many nights blaming herself for what had happened between her and Danny. Seeing those circles made her realize that it was time to let it go.

Looking straight into her reflection in the mirror, Lindsay said, determinately, "I forgive you." It didn't have the impact she was looking for, though, but it was enough to make her feel a little bit better. "I forgive you," she said again and again until it had become her new mantra. It was much better than "I slept with Rikki." At least it felt like she was making progress.

Lindsay sighed, but it came out as a yawn instead. 'Damn, I'm tired,' she thought, running a hand through her short, straight golden locks to push back the unruly strands away from her face which still looked a little pale. Thankfully the club was much darker than the bathroom, allowing her to hide the depth of her exhaustion. Besides, if anyone noticed, she'd blame it on the alcohol.

Doing one more double check in the mirror to make sure her hair was in place and her shirt hung just right on her torso, Lindsay squared her shoulders and walked out of the bathroom back to the table. Her friends were enjoying themselves, talking and laughing about god knew what, and as she approached, they all sobered up a bit, regarding her presence with caution.

"Hey," Lindsay said as she slid in beside Hawkes at the edge of the booth. Stella passed her a new Cosmo the waitress had left for her and she took a sip. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing much," Stella answered. "I was just telling Don he needed a new stylist because his ties have been getting progressively uglier by the day." That put a grin on Lindsay's face as her eyes involuntarily shot to the article of clothing in question. She quickly turned away and pretended to gag.

"C'mon, they're not _that_ bad, right guys?" Flack was reaching out to his friends, who were quickly becoming fewer and fewer in numbers.

"I'm staying out of this one," Adam replied as he threw up his hands in surrender.

"Yeah, this is between you and your woman," Hawkes added.

"Oh, thanks a lot! Leave me hanging by a thread here!" Flack shot back in mock anger.

"More like a really ugly piece of fabric," Hawkes retorted. The girls burst out in infections laughter, prompting the boys to join them as well. It took a few moments to calm down, but once they'd all had their last chuckle, a peaceful silence enveloped the table. It lasted all of about ten seconds before the MC walked on stage and announced the lineup for the evening; mostly unknowns except for Mac, who was up second.

The CSI's cheered when their boss's name was called, an expected response from the small group that jokingly dubbed themselves his fan club. They came in every few weeks to unwind and check out the show. This week was no different; well, at least it shouldn't have been. Even with Lindsay feeling down and out, they would have probably enjoyed themselves had it not been for the little surprise during Mac's stage time that threw a wrench in that plan.

When the first performer, a young piano player with dark hair, dark eyes, and the build of a footballer playing classic delta blues, finished his set of three songs, it was Mac's turn to wow the crowd. And that's exactly what he did. He stepped on stage with his guitar, and instead of falling into the background as he usually did, allowing others to take the spotlight, he went straight to the microphone.

"Tonight we're doing a little something different," he announced to the crowd, piquing the interests of the CSI's to his right. They stared at him in confusion as he continued. "I have a… friend who would like to grace you with his musical talents. It might be a little different from what you're used to, but I hope you still enjoy the show. Thank you." Mac stepped away, glancing to his left and giving a nod to whoever it was in the shadows.

Lindsay's eyes were transfixed on the stage, the anticipation throwing her stomach in knots. This was the first time Mac had ever brought anyone other than his own band onstage during his performance, at least since she'd been going to Cozy's. The anticipation was killing her as she waited with the others, trying to figure out who this mystery musician was. Moments later, he finally walked out, a guitar slung over his shoulder, his back towards the CSI's. Lindsay strained to get a glimpse of the tall, chestnut haired stranger as he walked to the microphone at center stage. From what she could see, he was wearing a wrinkled white dress shirt, its sleeves rolled up almost to the elbows revealing a well muscled forearm and lightly tanned skin and a pair of black stone washed jeans fitted perfectly to his back side.

'Great, eye candy, just what I need,' Lindsay thought with sarcasm dripping from her words. Here she was, down and out in New York over her recent trials and tribulations, and all her mind could think about was how hot this mystery musician looked in his tight, black jeans. She started to take a big gulp of her Cosmo to calm her nerves when he turned around. Choking on the alcohol that was now threatening to come back up, she could feel Hawkes put a hand on her back and rub as she coughed and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

"You okay?" he asked, still rubbing her back even though she'd stopped coughing and was now staring blankly at the stage.

Lindsay hadn't heard a word her coworker said. Her eyes narrowed on the man now strumming away on his guitar, tuning each string until it hit the right note before looking up at the crowd nervously. His sapphire eyes flicked in her direction, settling on her gaze for a moment before flicking away in the other direction. He'd seen her torment and her rage, her sadness and her unshed tears. It hadn't surprised her that he'd look away from the broken hearted eyes that shot daggers in his direction.

She wanted to run, wanted to get the hell out of there before being subject to anymore torture, but he began to speak, quelling her fight or flight response.

"I'm Danny Messer. Mac's actually my boss, but he's a great friend too." Danny shifted on his feet, obviously nervous, something Lindsay had rarely seen. It was starting to pique her interest as to what the hell he was doing up on stage when he finally said it. "Anyway, the song I'm about to play is dedicated to a woman who's heart I've broken. I know she hates me right now and would probably rather run than sit here and listen to me make a fool out of myself, but she has to know that I'm sorry and that I love her and that I hope someday she'll forgive me for what I've done." He paused then turned to look right at her. "This one's for you, Montana."

Lindsay swallowed hard, her pale brown eyes as wide as saucers as she continued to stare at him in disbelief. Did he just say the "L" word? Her mind asked over and over again before she glanced around at her stunned coworkers. They, too, hadn't seen this coming, although she began to suspect they had something to do with dragging her here. But seeing their surprised reactions let her know they knew nothing of what was going on, probably an order from Mac just to bring her here and enjoy the show.

'What a nightmare,' Lindsay thought, rubbing her hands over her face and trying to comprehend what was going on as the first few notes of Danny's song floated to hear ears. She could tell this was going to be a rock ballad from the way the band played it. Mac had been right, tonight was definitely going to be different from the usual jazz the club patrons came to see.

The soft strumming of Danny's guitar was enough to stop her from fretting, and when she looked up, she saw he was still staring at her, his lips almost pressed to the microphone as he sang, "A strangled smile fell from your face/It kills me that I hurt you this way/The worst part is that I didn't even know/Now there's a million reasons for you to go/But if you can find a reason to stay…"

A flood of memories rushed through Lindsay's mind to the day's after he'd told her about Rikki. He'd been right, a strangled smile had graced her face whenever he tried to talk to her, tried to apologize for what he'd done. But his apologies had never sounded genuine to her ears, prompting her to shut him out repeatedly as he continued to do so, never giving him a chance to truly explain what he felt. She was seeing his doubts come full circle now, clear as day. He finally realized the gravity of the situation, finally grasped the true meaning of what it felt like to hurt so deep down inside that there seemed to be no way to relinquish the pain.

Yes, she wanted to get up, to leave, to find a way out of this place, but the raw emotions in his gravely, sensuous voice brought her back almost as fast as his lyrics.

"I'll do whatever it takes/To turn this around/I know what's at stake/I know that I've let you down/And if you give me a chance/Believe that I can change/I'll keep us together whatever it takes…" Danny continued, his eyes lingering on her gaze. Lindsay could almost see his unshed tears, but refused to give in. Instead, she looked away unable to watch him any longer for fear of where her thoughts would take her.

Lindsay wasn't ready to give in to him yet. Her anger was still quite prevalent. He'd let her down in more ways that he could possibly fathom. Her trust in him had been obliterated, as had her willingness to open up to him, to let him touch her or even come near her; all gone with a single bad decision. It was going to take far more than a few sappy lyrics to bring her around. At least that's what she thought until he began to sing the second verse.

"She said 'If we're gonna make this work/You gotta let me inside even though it hurts/Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see'/She said 'Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be/You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me.'"

Lindsay's memories raced back to the day of Ruben's death and the way she'd seen Danny fall apart. Her heart had cried out for him, and she'd wanted nothing more than to take him home and hold him in her arms until he felt whole again. After all, he'd flown all the way to Montana to do the same for her, and it was only polite to reciprocate. But he'd backed off, cold and guilty, unable to even look at her as he stood in his doorway, the scent of alcohol on his breath as he spoke.

She'd stood there, though, reaching up to hold his face in her hands and forced him to meet her gaze. "Danny," Lindsay remembered herself saying, "This isn't your fault."

"It _is_ my fault," he shot back, trying to wiggle his way out of her grasp, but she wasn't letting go. "Please, Lindsay, I just want to be alone right now."

"No," she demanded. "I can't leave you alone. I want to be there for you, that's how a relationship works. You have to let me inside even when it hurts. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see. You've seen mine. Don't deny me yours."

Danny had only shaken his head, his gaze falling to his feet as he leaned against the doorway. "I can't do it," he said in near tears. "I hate myself for what happened. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop replaying it in my head. I just need some time to sort all this out."

Lindsay's hands had dropped to her sides. She'd shaken her head as well, anger permeating her soft features as she replied, "If you hate yourself, then how can you ever love me?" Those had been her last words to him. They were cold, almost ice, and she'd marched off, never once looking back. She'd heard the slam of his door, but she wasn't about to turn back. In hindsight, she began to wonder if she could have done something to prevent this rift that formed because of Ruben's death.

No, Stella had been right. Lindsay couldn't blame herself for Danny's choices to stay closed off and unapproachable about the subject. That had been his decision, as had sleeping with Rikki. She'd done nothing to encourage his behavior, had tried to get him to talk about it, but he continued to refuse. Now that he'd seen the gravity of his actions, how much they'd hurt her and how far he'd driven her away, he was doing his best to make amends.

"I'll do whatever it takes/To turn this around/I know what's at stake/I know that I've let you down/And if you give me a chance/And give me a break/I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better…"

The last few lines of the second chorus almost made Lindsay want to cry. She hadn't expected Danny to acknowledge the fact that maybe they were better off apart than together, but when he'd made it clear that maybe she deserved someone better, someone who would probably treat her the way she should be treated, she didn't know what to think anymore. The weight of it all fell on her heart, which still refused to let him go even after he'd done the unthinkable.

And it was becoming harder and harder to think about what she should do with his outpouring of emotions on stage. Lindsay could see it in his eyes as he stared back at her. Every ounce of love he'd never been able to express to her, every kiss, every touch; it was all there, slowly being released in hopes that maybe she wouldn't run from him anymore, that maybe she'd finally give him a chance to apologize properly.

Lindsay swallowed hard. She was at a loss as to what to do now. And it wasn't helping when Danny's lyrics continued to convey every memory of their relationship before Ruben had died. "But remember the time I told you the way that I felt/That I'd be lost without you and never find myself/Let's hold onto each other above everything else/Start over, start over…" he sang, his penetrating sapphire eyes holding her gaze and pulling on her heartstrings.

Another memory floated into her mind of their days of innocence. It had been the night right after the trial ended. They'd stayed up well past midnight laying under the glittering Montana moonlight on the hood of his rental car, watching shooting stars fly past them and making wishes like they'd never done before. It had all been so surreal to Danny since he'd grown up in the artificial lights of New York City and had never seen the country. But to Lindsay, it had been a welcome home of sorts. The guilty verdict had finally released her demons, lifting a ten year weight off her shoulders, and giving her the chance to finally give in to his advances.

"There's one," Danny had sounded so excited when he saw his first shooting star fly past them and off into the night sky, immediately raising his hand and pointing it out to her.

"Make a wish," Lindsay had encouraged him, giving him a sideways glance from where she lay beside him.

"I don't need to make a wish," he'd replied, prompting to turn her head and stare at him curiously.

"Why?"

"Because I already have what I want."

"And what's that?"

Danny had stared right at her with those same intense sapphire eyes and replied, "You." A smile lit up Lindsay's face. He'd rolled to his side, his hand falling on top of hers and continued. "I don't think I've wanted something more than I've wanted you. And now that I have you, I don't ever want to let you go, because if I did, I'd probably lose myself in the process."

Lindsay beamed at that moment, and the kiss that they had been denied in the courthouse had finally made its appearance as she rolled to face him then placed her soft hand against his cheek to guide his lips to hers. Her heart pounded in her chest as she felt his arms wrap around her, holding her tight against the warmth of his chest. It spread through her like wildfire, and when they finally pulled apart, words couldn't express the feelings that had been unleashed between them. That first kiss was one she'd never forget. It had been so simple, so delicate, and yet it had conveyed everything they'd ever wanted to say to each other but couldn't.

It was that kiss that made her feelings for him so hard to deny and forget. No matter how hard she tried, no matter what she did, they just wouldn't go away. Danny had burrowed deep in her heart with no way of taking out that barb without taking a big chunk of who she was with it. Although he didn't define who she was (after all, she'd remained fiercely independent), he still remained a constant reminder of how she'd transformed through her fears and back into happiness. He'd been a major part of that transformation, allowing her to seek peace in the comfort of someone else's arms and not have to find her way out of the dark alone.

At that moment, the tears rolled from Lindsay's eyes and she finally began to cry for all the memories, the good times and the bad. It didn't help when Danny swung his guitar off his shoulder and grabbed the microphone before stepping off stage making his way towards her, the worry and heartache present on his face even though he continued to sing the last chorus of the song. Mac picked up lead for him as he stood in front of Lindsay, his soul bare before her and everyone else in the club, including their friends and coworkers.

"I'll do whatever it takes," Danny softly sang to her as he took her hand and had her stand up so she wouldn't have to keep looking up at him. "To turn this around…" he continued his hand hovering just above her cheek. She could tell he wanted to wipe away her tears, but was unsure.

"I know what's at stake…" So did Lindsay as she leaned closer to him, allowing his fingers to brush against her cheek. That electricity that had always been there returned, and she swallowed, her eyes remaining on him.

"I know that I've let you down…" Of course Danny had, and much more, but he was trying everything in his power to make her see he was willing to do anything to make things right. No other man had ever been this persistent.

"And if you give me a chance…" She so desperately wanted to at the moment, seeing the pain in his eyes. It reverberated in his voice as he tried to hold out for a few more lines before he, too, burst into tears.

"Believe that I can change…" If only it were that simple, Lindsay thought, although her heart told her Danny was being genuine and completely honest with her. How could he not in front of so many people. He wouldn't willingly make a fool out of himself if he wasn't. Mac wouldn't have backed him up if he didn't think Danny was being truthful.

"I'll keep us together whatever it takes…" With that last line, his voice cracked and a single tear slid down his cheek landing in the space between them. It was something as small as that that made Lindsay launch herself into him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he stood momentarily dumbfounded. But soon his strong arms wrapped around her as well, holding her close, something he hadn't done in weeks.

They held on to each other for what seemed like hours, completely lost to the crowd as it hung around them cheering. Flack, Stella, Adam, and Hawkes had all stood up to give Danny a standing ovation for his performance, but that didn't matter to him or to Lindsay at the moment. What mattered was that they were together again, their arms wrapped around each other. It was that warm safe place they both longed to be in, and now that they were there, it would be hard to leave.

"I'm so sorry," Danny whispered in her ear as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I've missed you so much," he kept going. "I had no idea how stupid I could be. I didn't realize what losing you would do to me. Without you, I'm lost. I'm just so… lost." He pulled away, wanting to look into her eyes, wanting to show her that he meant what he said. He pressed his forehead to hers, hoping that she understood, hoping that she wouldn't pull away from him.

"I… I believe you…" Lindsay whispered back as she smiled up at him weakly and was awarded with one of his own gorgeous grins. They continued to stare into each other's eyes, the world around them seemingly lost. Danny wrapped his arms around her again, and this time softly kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes, savoring the soft touch of his lips against her skin. It was a small comfort, one that she enjoyed even though she still hadn't forgiven him.

Stella's words floated into her mind. _Think of men as big, bumbling apes that don't know any better… Sometimes, they make decisions without thinking them through… The key is forgiveness…_ Forgiveness. Could she forgive him? Could she look past his indiscretions and see the truth behind his eyes, see that he truly was sorry for what he'd done? Although her brain kept saying no, her heart gave a resounding yes that won out.

But Lindsay kept it to herself, deciding instead to take her time with this. After all, she was still in the process of forgiving herself. She didn't want to jump the gun on this one. Danny had made a momentous step forward with this very public and very emotional display, but he still had a ways to go. At least he was on the right track. That's all Lindsay could really hope for at the moment.


End file.
